In the blink of an eye

Its been one week since you looked at me. Another week until I say I'm sorry. 

It has been one week since posting. The reason for this is that I was told to stop it. So I did. I am back now and ready to blog away. People who do not use their blinkers to signal a turn...stop it. It is such an easy thing to do and can make the roads safer for everyone else. So stop not signaling. People who do not eat...stop it. Eating rocks. 

As I thought about how gay I looked giving that two-handed handshake...

It's amazing how much I don't care

One ring to rule them all. 

People who need to comment on seeing celebrities and how they looked...stop it. "O I saw Natalie Portman at a Wegmans yesterday, she looked terrible." Stop it. Who are you to say someone didn't look good. They weren't on screen and don't have to look amazing all the time, you don't. Stop it. We don't care that you saw a celebrity and we certainly don't want to aid you in talking shit about it.

They just sit around and talk about sports all day?

Pineapple Express Was Not Funny

Sunday, bloody sunday.

People who like the movie Pineapple Express...stop it. That movie blows. It isn't funny. Stop talking about it and laughing at things that are not funny. Stop agreeing with people when they say Pineapple Express is funny, its not. Stop it.

I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it. 

Just Dance, It'll be ok.

This is your time. 

People who don't like to dance...stop it.

What's the rule on white boys dancing in public? Only if you're gay. 

Who throws a shoe? Honestly.

Good morning, Vietnam.
People who think I care about their existence...stop it. These kids almost got into a fight with my friends and the lover, non-fighter that I am broke it up. Some kid then proceeds (more than one week later) to approach me in a bar and accuse me of throwing a piece of ice at him (please) and his friend asks me if we can end the feud. Stop it. I don't even know who this kid is and my friend who started a fight was so black out he doesn't even know who he is. I told them it was mostly a joke, but they really thought they meant something to me. Stop it. I don't care about you or your feud or your goddamn piece of ice. Next time I get accused of throwing a piece of ice like a child I am going to go off. Also, I will probably be the culprit of the ice throwing because if I see these kids again I am throwing ice, for sure. Stop it.

You are what you eat, and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy.

Start it.

Seven ate nine. 

In light of parade day (Binghamton's early St. Patricks Day celebration) and its awesomeness I have decided to use this post to talk about positive things that should happen all the time rather than things that need to not happen all the time. 

Start it. 

Drinking in the streets...start it. I have never seen a more jolly mess of drunks then when we are allowed to openly get intoxicated in the streets. Everyone becomes friends with one another and it is just a positive environment. Even the cops would have to agree (even though more were probably needed to be hired for this joyous day) that they encountered very few problems and even had some fun among the fray. Dancing in the rain...start it. It started pouring during the parade, but this did not stop anyone from enjoying themselves outdoors. As people were getting soaked it became an occasion that should happen more often. The most enjoyable rain I have been stuck in and the masses of people enjoying it with me only made it more amazing. Start it. 

Look forward to my St. Patricks Holiday post on the 5 steps to catching a leprechaun. 

Hooch is crazy.

Just watch, man

Every rose has its thorn. 

Some kid who sat next to me during Watchmen...stop it. Literally could not beleive this kid exists. He was one of those dorky kids who has read the graphic novel a thousand times and was gettin off to this movie. Stop it. Its a movie. It is not going to change your life. He was dancing for 15 minutes right there in the middle of it. Everytime a new scene I would hear "brilliant" or "oh my god" and he would gasp like he just unloaded in his pants. Stop it. The funny thing is you know that he knows everything that is going to happen so why was he so constantly surprised? Although this was terribly distracting (and hilarious) I did not have the heart to ask him to calm down. I have never felt such joy and elation from watching a movie, so I figured I could have at least a story to tell and didn't have to ruin this kids night. But seriously...stop it. 

Mental note: The boat could be a very cool nickname. 

Popcorn, soda, small talk

Do you beleive in miracles?

People who work that try to make small talk with customers...stop it. I am at the movie theater waiting for half hour to get popcorn and this guy insists on talking to every customer. We are clearly on a time schedule and the place is packed and he is taking his sweet time making jokes. Unbeleivable. Stop it. Get the popcorn, take the money, next customer. You don't need to make small talk with every customer, its ridiclous. Stop it. 

Note: More on this movie experience to come. 

Is it still funny to yell get a room? I don't care I'm going for it anyway...Get a room.

That Guy

I got the power. 

That guy in the UPS commercials...stop it. He is not really drawing on the board, he is a fake. No one can draw that perfectly. Also, his haircut...stop it. I hate him and I need him to stop...it. 

Do you see what you get, Carla? Do you see what you get when you mess with the warrior?

Fine

I never walk when I can run. 

I got a frickin ticket for parking on the wrong side of the street last night. Stop it. This is the most ridiculous law I have ever heard of. Every other day, after 5 p.m. you need to change your parking spot or you get a 20 dollar ticket. Stop it. I change every day, the one day I forget....stop it. Cops have so much more to worry about in my neighborhood (shootings, knifings, drugs, kids with drugs) and they are wastin their time chargin me 20 dollars....stop it. 

Uptown Girl got me through high school, long story for another day.