The Wayans, The Light, and The Snowboard (to the tune of The Lion, The witch, and the wardrobe

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

I was watching wayans brothers last night...those guys are hilarious. Stop it. Beyonce on BET all the time doing some movies about an empowered black woman....stop it. what is she doing? stop it. people who speed through a yellow light and kiss the dashboard or whatever they do...stop it. traffic light gods...please...stop it. snowboarders...stop it. people who are skiing or boarding and yell woo hoo as they go down the mountain...stop it. 

knifewrench...for kids.

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT shIT

A sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says sorry we dont serve food here.

Joe Torre bashes a-rod and cashman among others in a new book...stop it. Cashman says he is ok with it and its not bad and people are saying he should leave arod alone...stop it. David Wells comments about Joe Torre bashing...stop it. Its basically like valentines day where they use a holiday to sell candy and cards while the media is using Joe Torre's book to fill their column for the day. Lets talk about how Manny Ramirez is the most unwanted baseball player since Michael Jordan. Stop it.

my mom had a uterus, i lived in it. 

People are funny and others are stupid which in fact is also funny

Its 10 o'clock, do you know where YOUR children are?

On the deli line the girl in front of me asked the guy to cut the crust off her bread for her...stop it. Are you kidding me? He was having a hard enough time as it was making the sandwich...hes not your mother, cut your own goddamn crust off. 

Walking to class everyone is slipping and sliding on the icy walk and I see this girl in her car driving and looking directly down doing a text message on her phone...stop it. The text can wait, I'm sure of it- its not worth some kid slipping and your car doing some work on the kids leg. Seriously stop it- They should make a movie where there a lot of tragic things are happening and they send the top detective to find out and by the end of the movie he finds out that text messaging has been causing all these catastrophic events. Paris Hilton could totally be in the that movie. 

And of course ending with something I heard in scrubs- she turned me down to homecoming and prom when I didn't ask her to either one.

Pilot

Poker? I barely knew her! 

When I was a young lad, about the age of 9, I asked my father why he was always yelling at other cars when they clearly cannot hear them. He responded with some pretty good wisdom. "Well son, its because they are schmucks." It all became clear to me...people ARE schmucks. They are a inconsiderate, dimwitted phenomena that smothers the planet with their bluetooth headsets and their middle fingers stuck way up in the air. But here is where it comes to fruition...i, in fact, have a blue tooth headset. I toss that middle finger as often as possible. Stop it. Everyone is an asshole or a schmuck in one way or more likely ten ways. So here I am, talking about these people as if I am somewhat out of the loop of schmuckery. Im ok with it. So begins my quest to share my experiences. Last nights scrubs episode will help me end my little intro- you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have- the facts of life. Stop it.