Stairway To Hell

I keep away from runaround Sue. 

Stairs...stop it. I had a whole rant yesterday that explained how much I truly despise stairs. My rugby team runs stairs in the library tower as a workout and I have not gone once. I hate walking up 10 stairs just to get to my room. Every time I approach the bottom this feeling of misery comes over me and I feel miserable. Stop it. I am not going to run up 20 flights of stairs. When I lived on campus I would take the elevator to the 2/3 mid-level just so I can walk down stairs to get to my room. Stairs suck. Stop it. 

Season 5, Episode 3. Marcia gets creamed. Don't ever question me on the bunch. 

Drink, Drank, Drunk

Let's get ready to rumble.

Hangovers...stop it. I feel like shit enough about what happened last night I don't need another reminder of how drunk I was. Actually, if the hangover wasn't here I'd probably be ok with what happened last night. So hangovers everywhere...stop it. 

it was a gift. (from me to me)

I love College

Time isn't wasted when you getting wasted.

I love college. People who don't love college...stop it. There is this song called I love College. I love that song. Its true, we have it made here at college. Class isn't bad compared to amount of awesomeness that comes with being a college student. So those of you i hear on campus complaining about this and that and being little prissy drama queens...stop it. You are living the life.

Touche, magic hallway.

Good vs. Evil

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. 

Bad guys...stop it. Don't you know the world would be a better place if everyone was a good guy.

Good guys...stop it. (I got nothing here, this was just for the bad guys sake.)

But sometimes that IS what I'm talking about. 

Who the heck do you think you are, Denny?

Live every week like its shark week.

Dennys...stop it. This has to be the most arrogant place I have been to. Its like they are doing me a favor seating and serving me. Stop it. You go anywhere else like Fridays, they open the door for you and welcome you and are so nice. In Dennys I stand for 10 minutes before anyone even recognizes I'm there. Stop it. Then when I go to pay my check the lady is having a conversation and acts like I am interrupting her. You are at work, lady, do your frickin job. Stop your conversation for two minutes and let me pay for my meal. Stop it. 

Hugh Jackman is wolverine, how dare he?

Valentines Day: Pretty Sweet (no candy pun intended)

If it aint broke, don't fix it. 

Valentines Day...stop it. These jokes are too easy. Therefore, for holidays I deviate from my normal routine. Instead I bring you The Single Male's Guide on Valentines Day:

1. Buy chocolates. Since you are single this a gift for yourself, you are actually allowed to eat all the candy and enjoy it.

2. Go to the bar. Nothing like running into a girl at a bar on valentines day. It is almost guaranteed she is single and she is 100% jealous of at least one friend who is with a boyfriend.

3. Talk about an ex-girlfriend. Show off an emotional side while also scoring points as a relationship guy who cares about the holiday. Also, there is no better aphrodisiac than sympathy.

4. Get a girl drunk. Drunk chicks on Valentines Day who do not have boyfriends put out 87% more of the time than any other night. Also they try really hard because they want to pretend they are not single, even for just a night.

5. Do not exchange numbers. This is important. As long as no numbers are traded you are clear. Chances are the chick is not into relationships anyway because she was single on V-day, but to make sure she doesn't get too attached stay away from names and numbers. 

Hope this works out for all the single men out there on Valentines Day. Should be a busy night for birth control producers everywhere.

You can't drink and come to work, you're not airline pilots. 

Lets go to the mall, today.

Every now and then I get a little bit closer.

I love the mall. Today I went and there were cars everywhere...stop it. Why are there cars IN the mall!? Its ludacris. The pretzel shop is awesome. I always get a pretzel when I go to the mall. I bought sneakers. Places that sell sneakers...stop it. They are selling shoes but like have to sel everything else also. They show you the soles, they show you the shoe cleaner. Stop it. I am buying shoes and thats it. Its so awkward, I don't want to be rude, but I don't want soles for my shoes. Why don't you sell shoes that are good enough they don't need a seperate purchase. Stop it.

Why being lonely is sometimes super awesome.